What allies do the Jedi Chefs
have? (page 4)
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MUSICAL ALLIES
In an effort to familiarize ourselves with human culture - and appeal even
more to the masses - licensed Jedi Chef temporal agents were despatched
to Earth at various points along the timeline. There collective mission
was to sign up various popular musical groups and individuals from past
and present The success of their mission impressed the Senate considerably.
Musical Ally: The Beatles
Extremely popular with the public of the time - and impossible to miss
in these outfits - the "fab four" are ideal poster-boys for our ongoing
recruitment drive.
Musical Ally: ZZ Top
These hirsute blues-rock performers couldn't wait to join up. It seems
that our lightsabers are ideal for reaching down to trim the bottoms of
their beards.
Musical Ally: The Blues Brothers
Very cool.
Musical Ally: Adam Ant
Always a showman, more than willing to use costume and makeup to get noticed
and remembered, we caught Adam Ant in the midst of the "Prince Charming"
phase.
Musical Ally: Angus Young
Notorious for his wild on-stage antics, the lead guitarist of AC/DC certainly
has enough energy to promote our noble organization. We aren't sure whether
or not the schoolboy style is linked to any deviant behaviour; our investigative
department are looking into this.
Musical Ally: Britney Spears
We're not convinced that this silly little slapper has any skills to add
to the Order, but she looks cute on leaflets and doesn't mind making coffees
for the staff in the local public relations office.
Black Canary
With her talent for infiltrating villainous organizations, Black Canary
is always useful when information about our adversaries is required. Her
deafening Canary Cry is also useful, though it can be rather annoying.
Catwoman
A mastery of martial arts, skill with a cat-o-nine-tails whip and a tendency
to wear black leather bodysuits made Catwoman an easy choice for an ally
of the Jedi Chefs. Her criminal past is a concern, but she assured us that
she is a completely reformed character. We will be keeping an eye on her,
just in case.
Clark Kent
Better known as his alter-ego, Superman, this mild-mannered reporter can
easily gain access to relatively sensitive areas without raising suspicion.
He can then either gather information and leave, or else switch to his
more imposing identity and smash things up. Plus, we sometimes get an early
sneak-peak at the next day's crossword.
The Green Hornet
Anyone who is prepared to go out fighting crime in a 1960s car must have
nerves of steel. Based on this, we decided to ask Britt Reid to adopt his
secretive garb and investigate several dubious individuals on our behalf.
So far, he has been rather successful, though our accounts department are
always dismayed to see the fuel charges on his expenses receipts.
Green Lantern
More a group than an individual, the various Green Lantern power rings
offer a wide variety of interesting abilities. From creating plasma-based
constructs to navigating through wormholes. From generating force fields
to splitting atoms. All sorts of useful effects can be brought to bear
on any "tricky" situation. We have learned that, upon the death of the
wearer, the ring automatically looks for a replacement, which saves us
having to do it!
Iron Man
Since Iron Man's power armour renders him virtually indestructible in almost
any environment, he is first choice when we need to send someone to a hazardous
location. Due to the impressive array of weaponry that the armour provides,
those "hazardous locations" are almost always the front line of one heated
battle or another. The only thing about Iron Man that we aren't entirely
happy with is his penchant for dry martinis; 2 litres per day seems a tad
excessive.
James Bond
We wanted a new ally who we could rely on. We wanted someone possessing
of superlative skill and intellect. We needed an operative who would follow
orders and stick to the rules. Unfortunately, none of the proposed candidates
reached our expectations. However, during the course of our recruiting
mission, one of our representatives was approached by James Bond, who has
since convinced us that his ingenuity and espionage expertise can give
us the edge when re-negotiating bar prices in our numerous facilities.
Clearly not comfortable with his homosexual nature, he insists on trying
to hide it by bedding as many women as he can.
The Punisher
On the negative side, Frank Castle is a homicidal vigilante who considers
killing, kidnapping, extortion, coercion, threats of violence and torture
as acceptable crime-fighting tactics. He has even caused a hydrogen bomb
to be dropped onto an island. On the positive side, he is highly motivated
and has lots of guns and knives. On balance, then, a well-rounded individual
who strives to get the job done. A worthy ally!
Sakura
Being highly trained in covert activities, with an advanced understanding
of combat tactics and assassination techniques, ANBU!Sakura enjoys working
with our own Covert Operations Division on stealth missions. Her medical
skills are invaluable in the field, though she has been known, on more
than one occasion, to divulge the squad's position by smashing a wall or
something.
Wonder Girl
Possessing of great speed and strength, Wonder Girl has proved very useful
in all sorts of mission. Additionally, her lightning-equipped whip is great
for annoying chavs.
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